holiday's

so we've gone through a couple holiday's with out each other. most of them were stupid like 4th of july. but this isn't just about holiday's but the days when i'm with all my family and you aren't there with me.

it's sooooooo hard. i don't even know how i'll be able to explain how hard it is. it's hard seeing my sister being all lovey dovey with her boyfriend and not being able to have you here with me. it's hard when we all go out to dinner or sit down to watch a football game and my parents say they wish you could be there. it just makes me miss you even more. i know that they mean well, but sometimes it makes this all harder. knowing that they want you to be here too makes me want you here more.

thanksgiving is coming up and i have no idea how i'm going to make it through with out you. i'll be with all my family and my nieces but you won't be with me. a huge part of my life will be missing that weekend and i honestly don't know how i'm gonna handle it.

gosh then having to celebrate my birthday and christmas with out you. ugh. i know you'll kill me for saying this but i almost don't want to do anything for my birthday because you won't be here with me. and i know i'll just be sad the whole time that we don't get to share that together.

it's hard because these are our first holiday's and birthday's together and we don't get to spend them with one another. this is the first year of our relationship and i've only been able to hold your hand, kiss you, and love on you for one week. out of 4 1/2 months, that's it. it's so hard not being able to celebrate with you.

i think that those times are the hardest. when i'm with my family and you're not with us and when i have to spend holiday's without you. all the small things are hard too like not being able to hold your hand all the time and kiss you or just lay around the house and watch movies with you. but i can't express how hard it is not being able to spend holiday's with you.

i miss you so much chris, i don't think you understand how much. it kills me, especially right now cause we're skyping and you're watching the videos from when i was out there. it's just hard not being with you and not being able to have special moments with you all the time. i just miss you and want you here with me.

i love you.